Dirty Feed

Dirty Feed: Best of 2024

Published 11th December 2024

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A Comedy Spray

Published 2nd December 2024

While we’re on an anonymous questions kick, here’s something else I was asked recently: “Favourite behind-the-scenes moment?” Which gives me an excuse to talk about something brilliant.

Take a look at this scene from Red Dwarf, “Stasis Leak”, broadcast on the 27th September 1988.

This was shot on location in the Midland Hotel in Manchester, on the 5th/6th May 1988.¹ Note the plaque for “The Ganymede Holiday Inn” is clearly above one for the Midland Hotel. Although the really interesting thing about that plaque is that it includes a close approximation of the Holiday Inn logo, which is perhaps a little odd for a BBC show of the time!

Now let’s turn to The Bodysnatcher Collection, a Red Dwarf DVD release from 2007 which I’ve talked about many times before on here. One of the features on that release was an in-depth behind-the-scenes making of documentary of Series 2, It’s Cold Outside, which features plenty of previously unseen clips from the raw recordings, both studio and location.

Such as the following. A discussion between Danny John-Jules and Doug Naylor, taken from the shooting of the Ganymede Holiday Inn scene, about spraying the nice lady with water… and who gets to do it. And it’s fantastic.

There’s something about the way Doug acknowledges comedy in that clip that is just magical. Comedy as its own thing, as something worth fighting for, as something that matters.

There are a great number of TV shows made now which would benefit from somebody stepping forward and saying: “It’a a comedy spray.”

Two days for the material at the Midland Hotel seems excessive, but that’s what the paperwork states. Other location material featuring Mark Williams as Petersen was shot at the Albert Dock on the 11th May 1988. ↩

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red dwarf

Duck, Everyone

Published 25th November 2024

TV Comedy

Recently, I asked people to send me anonymous questions again, which is always good fun until someone sends you something unpleasant. Anonymity and nasty messages, what are the odds?

Anyway, I particularly enjoyed this one, as it gives me an excuse to link to one of my favourite things ever.

“Favourite audience reaction in a sitcom? I know it’s difficult to choose. The reaction at the end of Seinfeld’s The Marine Biologist when George pulls Kramer’s golf ball out of his jacket has to be one of mine, love that woman who does the shriek when she realises what he’s holding.”

Having finally got round to a full rewatch of Seinfeld this year – yes, I know – I fully concur. The actual laugh is at 4:00 in the below video, in an episode which first aired in the US on the 10th February 1994.¹

As for my own suggestions, my mind immediately turns to Red Dwarf. The obvious answer is the shrinking boxer shorts scene in “Polymorph”, followed by the reveal of the crew meeting the skeletons in “Kryten”. In fact, nearly all the huge audience reactions in the show come from the show’s early years in Manchester, which might be a riposte to anyone who says that the audience got louder in later years when the fans started attending recordings.

A less obvious answer, but still utterly glorious, is the following from “Bodyswap”, broadcast on the 5th December 1989. You don’t need to worry about the body swap shenanigans themselves – all you need to know is that thanks to a wiring fault, Lister’s order of “a milkshake and a crispy bar” ten minutes earlier set off the ship’s auto-destruct system:

It is, of course, the utter release of tension, as well as the joke itself, which creates such a hysterical reaction.

But for my money, one of the best audience reactions of all time is in Drop the Dead Donkey. In “Sally’s Libel”, broadcast on the 4th February 1993, we get the sad tale of footballer Pat “The Panther” Pringle, played by Paul Clarkson. Well, he was called “The Panther” until a horrendous own goal in the last minute of a semi-final, where he became known as “The Plonker” instead.

Luckily, after years in the wilderness, he’s finally got a job as Globelink’s new sports presenter. And so the gang make him feel comfortable in their usual inimitable fashion.

Interestingly, it works slightly differently to the Red Dwarf example above. It’s not about a release of tension; the tension is already released by the bathetic “Oh well, there you go!” So you think that’s the main joke… and then wham, David Swift comes on and leaves you gasping for breath.²

It’s as joyful and magical as television gets for me. And it creates the case for audience sitcom in and of itself.

Although annoyingly enough, despite including some of the lead-up, it doesn’t include any of Kramer playing golf on the beach earlier in the episode, which is key to the punchline. ↩
And leaving Stephen Tompkinson gasping for breath, covering his face to hide his corpsing. Which brings to mind Simon Day in the final Mid-Life Crisis sketch of You Ain’t Seen These, Right? ↩

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drop the dead donkey, red dwarf, seinfeld

This Guy Are Sick

Published 21st November 2024

You Ain’t Seen All of These… Right?

Published 20th November 2024

TV Comedy

“This is it! It’s THE FAST SHOW as you’ve never seen it before – literally! This special video compilation has sketches you will not have seen on TV featuring all your favourite characters as well as loads of completely new ones, so fresh and raw they don’t even have proper names – Mid-life-Crisis Man, Road Rage Man, Up All Night Shagging Man. Plus the New York Eskimo, Ponce In The Garden, The King, The Over-Sensitive Dad and Danny Klein, a cop like no other cop you’ve ever seen before, because he’s Conventional Cop.”

Back of VHS cover, You Ain’t Seen All of These… Right?

The problem with something like The Fast Show – a programme which for many years has essentially lived on DVD – is that the origins of various things can become a little murky in your brain. Or at the very least, my brain.

So let’s quickly nail down the facts:

In 1999, The Fast Show put together a fantastic compilation of previously unseen sketches, titled You Ain’t Seen These… Right? This was broadcast on BBC Two as part of Fast Show Night on the 11th September 1999, in a 30-minute edit.
A couple of months later, on the 15th November 1999, it was released on VHS in an extended 50-minute edit, as part of the Series 3 Fast Show boxset.¹ This version was called You Ain’t Seen All of These… Right?
Finally, this 50-minute edit was also part of the Ultimate Collection DVD boxset, released on the 5th November 2007. Both the VHS and DVD edits are identical.

For my part, I have fond memories of watching the show on the original broadcast on Fast Show Night… but never owned the commercial VHS at all. In 1999, I just couldn’t afford to keep up with every brilliant BBC Video release back then. So the first time I saw the extended edit was on the Ultimate Collection boxset years later, where the 20 minutes of extra material took me by complete surprise, despite the fact that the extended edit was first released eight years earlier.

You know where this is going. Last time, we looked at the 30-minute edit of the show. Let’s take a look now at the 50-minute commercial release. Sadly, I don’t have access to the same kind of production paperwork this time round; the BBC’s commercial releases are generally much harder to research than broadcast material. This means that for the extra sketches, we don’t know the official titles, authors, or even which series they were originally recorded for. Although on that latter question, trying to figure it out from the sketches themselves is half the fun.

Regardless, here is a complete list of every single difference between the broadcast 30-minute edit of the show, and the commercial 50-minute edit. I do find this extra material fascinating, because it was essentially rejected twice; once for the main series, and then again for the broadcast version of You Ain’t Seen These. If any Fast Show material was going to be of questionable quality – at least when it comes to stuff that the public got to see – then the material listed here is going to be it.

All times given are for this 50-minute edit of the show. This version isn’t available online, at least legally and in good quality, but I suspect the crossover between “people who read Dirty Feed” and “people who don’t own The Fast Show Ultimate Collection on DVD” is fairly small.

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It never had a separate release. ↩

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best of, the fast show

You Ain’t Seen These… Right?

Published 10th November 2024

TV Comedy

NO OFFENCE: Anyway, you’re about to see a show that has been cobbled together using bits of shoddy old material previously thought unworthy for your eyes, but now in a desperate attempt to stuff their schedule with any old tat, the once trustworthy BBC is pretending it’s something really quite exclusive. No offence.

Introduction to You Ain’t Seen These… Right?, The Fast Show Night

On the 11th September 1999 at 9pm, BBC Two broadcast two hours of programming under the title The Fast Show Night. If you can get over the idea of two hours being called a theme night – I always think three is the bare minimum – it really was a splendid collection of shows, and one I remember very fondly from first transmission. I still have my off-air on VHS somewhere.

The evening consisted of the following, all of which ended up on The Ultimate Collection DVD in some form or another:

Links from the Fast Show gang, bizarrely shot against a very unflattering grey background.¹ One of the highlights comes early on, with Lyndsay of the Off-Roaders yelling “Suits you, sir!” repeatedly.
Fast Show Fanatics, three sequences featuring various fans of the series. Thank you Johnny Depp, I heard enough from you back in 1999.
The very first episode of The Fast Show. It helps that it’s a pretty good one, with few of the problems often encountered when pulling out the first episode of something for an evening of celebration, and it turns out to be weird and/or actively bad. See: Spitting Image.
A 40 minute documentary, Suit You, Sir! The Inside Leg of the Fast Show, which I’ve always really enjoyed, especially the baiting of Harry Enfield.²
And finally, our topic for today: You Ain’t Seen These… Right?, a 30-minute compilation of previously unseen sketches from across the first three series.

It’s become a cliche to say that the offcuts of some programmes are better than what other shows deem their best material. It’s a cliche which I’m afraid I can’t shatter here. The material in You Ain’t Seen These… Right? is well up to scratch, with some brilliant sketches included, and one moment which is a serious contender for the very funniest moment in the whole of The Fast Show. It’s so good, in fact, that it deserves a closer look.

What follows then, is a list of all the sketches in the show, including their proper titles, authors, and crucially, which series they were originally shot for, which is the bit I find most interesting.³. The 30-minute broadcast edit of the show is available on iPlayer, and is the version we’re dealing with here, so feel free to watch along.

You can insert the Off-Roaders catchphrase here if you like. I can’t quite bring myself to.

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These links were shot on the 9th August 1999, at Broadley Studios in London. ↩
I’ll never write something proper about this documentary, so: are you up for a list of people who were interviewed for it, but never made the final edit? Leslie Ash, Bryan Ferry, and Dannii Minogue. I kinda want to see what Dannii Minogue had to say about The Fast Show. ↩
The titles, authors and originating series come from the production paperwork. Sometimes the paperwork gives secondary titles identifying the specific sketch; others use the umbrella title only. ↩

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best of, the fast show

An Extremely Important Point About The Fast Show

Published 5th November 2024

Meta / TV Comedy

I am currently in the middle of writing about the previously unseen sketches from The Fast Show which featured on Fast Show Night. The only surprising thing about the above sentence is that I haven’t got round to it before now. You can plug all my obsessions into a spreadsheet, and the above article pops out like magic.

But before it’s published, I have to make a decision. What do I call the programme?

The Radio Times capsule from the 11th September 1999 gives the following title:

Radio Times capsule for the show, featuring: You Ain't Seen These, Right?

You Ain’t Seen These, Right? Brilliant, I’ll go with that. Still, I’d best just check that article they point to on Page 7…

Radio Times article, featuring: You Ain't Seen These Right!

You Ain’t Seen These Right! Hmmm, OK. Best check what the actual programme has:

Grab from the programme title card, featuring: You Ain't Seen These... Right?

The line under the programme name is mildly irritating, but the above is clearly meant to be You Ain’t Seen These… Right? Three different ways of punctuating the show. What to do?

Maybe the production paperwork for the programme confirms which of the three it should be:

The production paperwork, featuring: You Ain't Seen These. Right?

Yes, that is a full-stop. You Ain’t Seen These. Right? Sigh. Make that four.

In the end, I’ve decided to go for You Ain’t Seen These… Right? When I worked in BBC pres, in cases like these when there was inconsistency, we’d often plump for what was actually on the programme’s title card. Moreover, the extended commercial video edit of the programme, called You Ain’t Seen All of These… Right?, is not only punctuated like that on the title card:

Grab from the programme title card, featuring: You Ain't Seen All of These... Right?

But also has that name on the box:

Photo of the VHS case, featuring: You Ain't Seen All Of These... Right?

Look, if nobody in 1999 was going to be consistent, THEN FINE, I’LL DO THE DONKEYWORK.

Just nobody mention that the ellipsis has four dots on the videocassette itself. I have a headache.

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the fast show

Memory Poisoning

Published 28th October 2024

Adverts / Videogames

One of my favourite games when I was a kid was The Seventh Star, a text adventure for the BBC Micro. Not that I was any good at text adventures. Or any games full stop, really. The number of games from the time I actually completed can be counted on one hand.¹

So I never even came close to finishing it. Nor did my older sister. Which is why it’s slightly sobering to find this playthrough on YouTube. If I’d known what to type, a game which I failed to complete over years… could have been over in less than 20 minutes.

And yet there was something disturbing, as I watched that video recently. Because as I did, I was aware of part of my brain self-destructing.

As the locations of the game flitted past – some of which I remembered, some of which I definitely didn’t manage to get to at the time – I knew I could never quite remember the game as I did as a kid ever again. The memory of seeing the game completed in 2024 instantly squashed many of my memories of the late 80s and early 90s. The memories of which of the locations I managed to actually see then, and which were brand new to me in 2024, is already fading in a jumble of confusion.

* * *

If there’s one thing men of my age are very good at, it’s watching old adverts from their childhood on YouTube. Which is why I was surprised a few months ago, when I randomly came across this Monster Munch advert… and was pretty sure I really hadn’t seen it since the 80s. I was instantly dragged back through the decades.

And yet watching it again, right now… I simply can’t capture quite the same feeling. As with The Seventh Star, as soon as I saw it in 2024, it instantly pasted itself across my memory afresh. I’m not so much dragged back through the decades, as just dragged back a few months, when I first came across the advert afresh.

That feeling can never quite be recaptured. I can’t drag my brain back to the point before I reexperienced these things. And there is an ever-dwindling source of material which I a) still remember well enough as a kid, b) had a huge gap between watching them as a kid and as an adult, and c) haven’t already gone back and killed my old memories by watching them again.

Surely neither The Seventh Star or Monster Munch were really designed to induce this much melancholy.

I think The Devil’s Domain was the first game I ever finished. ↩

Fun With Daisy and Onslow

Published 23rd October 2024

TV Comedy

When you’re a Red Dwarf fan, it’s easy to forget how spoilt you are. The DVDs bombard you with deleted scenes and unused material. Want an early version of the opening episode, featuring an entirely different introduction to The Cat? The DVDs have you covered.

Sadly, Red Dwarf is an outlier; a rare example of a series which started in 1988 which still had a production office at the time of the DVD revolution. Moreover, it was understood that there was a large geek audience who would lap this kind of thing up. The chance to see this kind of material for programmes of Red Dwarf‘s vintage on an official release is rare, especially when it comes to audience sitcom. Sometimes, you have to rely on other means.

Or, just occasionally… mistakes.

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best of, keeping up appearances

Onslow’s Telly Redux

Published 3rd October 2024

TV Comedy

Over the past few days, I’ve been posting lots of interesting facts about exactly what’s on Onslow’s telly in Keeping Up Appearances. If I was somebody sensible, I would pretend I had now tracked down every last piece of information about the topic. By poking it any more, all I risk is inducing boredom and confusion, even among the hardcore readers of this site.

However, as previously established for the past 15 years here, I am not sensible. In some episodes, I couldn’t quite figure out exactly what Onslow was watching. And I feel duty-bound to document it.