And so we reach the third and final part of this series of articles looking at the extended VHS/DVD versions of The Thin Blue Line.1 To recap: Part One looked at the first three episodes. Part Two looked at the next three episodes. There’s just one more episode to go. Why does it get its own article?
The answer becomes clear when we look at the sheer amount of footage in the extended version compared to the broadcast. There’s fully 10 minutes of extra material here. This, then, is the tale of how you can edit down a 40 minute sitcom episode to a 30 minute sitcom episode for broadcast, and still have it make sense. More or less, anyway.
As ever, deleted material in the broadcast version is rendered [like this].
Series 2, Episode 7: The Green Eyed Monster
TX: 23rd December 1996
“Will Fowler propose to Patricia? Last in the series.”
(0:54) A few seconds trimmed during the opening titles, of Gladstone putting ridiculous amounts of sugar into his drink.
(1:34) The following chunk of dialogue is cut from the opening scene in Fowler’s office:
GRIM: It’s not really a team is it, Raymond, one dog? I mean, the whole point is dogs acting in unison. You can’t have one dog acting in unison, can you, I mean that’s stupid. Unless… we use some kind of mirror.
[FOWLER: Well at least with only one dog we will avoid last year’s disaster.
GRIM: Oh yes. Shep and Lady.
FOWLER: Indeed Shep. And indeeder Lady. I’ve never known such naughty dogs. It was like a scene out of Canine Emmanuelle.Gladstone walks in.
GLADSTONE: Locker room audit, sir. We’re still getting through an awful lot of loo paper. I’m afraid the the three-sheets-a-visit policy clashed badly with prunes and custard day in the canteen.
GRIM: Loo paper? I am a trained police officer. Honed and buffed. I should not have to spend my time worrying about budgets.
GLADSTONE: They take a lot of looking after, sir.
FOWLER: Indeed they do, Gladstone.
GLADSTONE: One moment they’re swinging on their little swing, the next it’s claws up in the sawdust.
GRIM: I’m talking about budgets, Constable, not budgies.
GLADSTONE: Oh.
FOWLER: Yes, thank you Gladstone, that will be all.
GLADSTONE: Yes sir.]
It is a great shame to lose Rowan Atkinson’s delivery of the phrase “naughty dogs”. Not sure the budgies material is especially missed, though.
(2:46) The following is snipped as Dawkins arrives groaning into reception:
HABIB: What’s happened to you, Pat? You look like you’ve been mugged.
DAWKINS: I have.
[HABIB: Did you get a description?
DAWKINS: Yes. Purple tights, pink leg warmers, enormous hair, a maniacal grin like she swallowed a coat hanger, looks like the love child of Jack Nicholson and Cabbage Patch doll…
HABIB: Shouldn’t be too difficult to spot. Any weapon?
DAWKINS: Yes. A vicious cassette of Sonia’s Greatest Hit.] My aerobics instructor, [Maggie. Satan’s hell cow. The bottle blonde bitch.] Step to the side, you’re looking good, shake it to the right, one two, put your foot in your ear, three four, stick your head up your bum, five six…
To cover the edit directly after Dawkins’ line “I have”, the broadcast version dubs in Habib saying “Oh no!” out of shot to join everything together. This line is not present at all in the extended version.
(3:56) Back in Fowler’s office:
GRIM: Do not interfere with my decisions. I and me alone am responsible for the operational fitness of my officers. It is my arse, and I will not have you sticking your nose in and sniffing about.2
[FOWLER: But a water cooler?
GRIM: We work under intensely difficult conditions, and regular rehydration is essential.
FOWLER: Rubbish. You just want to strut about with a paper cup in your hand like American policemen. You watch far too much television.]
This means the initial setup of the water cooler plot is gone in the broadcast version; the first we see of that strand in that edit is Grim admiring the cooler in the flesh.
(4:35) Reception:
HABIB: That leotard’s a bit radical, isn’t it? If it gets sucked up any further it’ll garrotte your bum.
[GOODY: Gotta feel the burn.
BOYLE: Well, set fire to your leg warmers.]
GOODY: Gotta keep in shape. (he does himself a mischief)
BOYLE: What have you got to keep in shape for?
[GOODY: Well, I do confess it is partly vanity. But what I say is this: if you’ve got it, get it out, pump it up and flaunt it.] I have to be very fit for my police work.
(7:12) Fowler’s office:
GRIM: Promotion boards are looking for solid, steady, dependable blokes, Fowler.
FOWLER: Well…
GRIM: Married blokes. [Not divorcees living in sin with their sergeants.]
FOWLER: I don’t believe a person’s marital status makes the slightest difference these days.
This rather pointed remark from Grim is a shame to lose, I think. They clearly were trying to get rid of every last second possible in the broadcast edit.
(8:25) OK, so this is fascinating. So far in these articles, we’ve talked about plenty of trimmed dialogue. We’ve talked about the occasional alternate angle being spliced in. We’ve even talked about whole scenes being deleted. But here is something brand new.
Yes, the broadcast and the extended DVD versions both have an entirely different scene at this point!
First of all, the DVD version:
And now the broadcast version:
The broadcast version, of course, takes half the time, so at least some of the thought process here makes sense. What’s perhaps less clear is how this sequence was scripted and shot initially.
The clue, I think, is Dawkins’ coat. In the broadcast version, she’s still wearing it, just as she was in the previous reception scene. In the DVD version, she’s clearly just taken it off, as she’s just walking away from the coathanger with it hanging up. I highly suspect that these are two sections of a larger scene; the broadcast version taken from the beginning, and the DVD version taken nearer the end.
Which is all very well, but it still doesn’t really explain why the full version of this scene including both sections wasn’t included in the extended version. I have absolutely no idea about this whatsoever.
(15:38) This isn’t an edit, but I can’t resist mentioning it. In both versions of the episode, As Habib walks across the briefing room and says “Marriage is in the air at the moment”, there is an audience laugh which doesn’t make any sense at all with anything which is happening on-screen. Either this scene had a lot of retakes and the audience is laughing at the cast actually getting through the lines, or something funny is happening just out of view of the camera.
Whatever caused it, it’s an odd moment in the episode, and it’s clear they didn’t have the material required to cut around it.
(17:41) At Fowler’s house, as he builds up to his marriage proposal:
FOWLER: Some more wine?
DAWKINS: Oooh, well, I shouldn’t.
FOWLER: Oh, well, in that case I’ll just re-cork it with my vacuum pump. [We can have it with our spam fritters on Sunday.]
DAWKINS: No no, on second thoughts, perhaps just a little drop.
The important thing here is that both versions preserve Rowan Atkinson’s excellent pronunciation of “vacuum pump”.
(19:53) The entire end of the marriage proposal scene is cut in the broadcast version:
FOWLER: So what I am saying is: how about it? Let’s get married.
DAWKINS: No. In fact I’m leaving you.
[FOWLER: Good, good. I thought a fairly simple ceremony, you know, just you, me and a bottle of Sainsbury’s sparkling. Perhaps a honeymoon looking at some medieval churches in Lincolnshire. Now, I expect you’re looking forward to a bit of roly poly…Fowler turns round. Dawkins is gone.
FOWLER: Patricia?]
I have to say, I think the broadcast version works better here. The impact of the scene is far greater ending it with Dawkins’ line, and the extra material isn’t funny enough to make it work diluting.
Mind you, I think a honeymoon looking at some medieval churches in Lincolnshire sounds lovely, so what do I know?3
(20:11) At the start of the next locker room scene, the angle is different between the two versions, although the actual take is identical:
DVD
Broadcast
Presumably, they just felt the different shots cut together better with the previous scene, which ends differently in the two versions.
(21:21) Some material cut from the same locker room scene:
FOWLER: The Promotion Review Board is coming tomorrow. She could have been married to a Chief Inspector, but oh no. Well, it’s her loss. [I shall get that promotion anyway, become enormously successful, and she’ll wonder why she ever let me go.
GOODY: I expect it’d be all your annoying little habits that put her off.
FOWLER: I beg your pardon?
GOODY: Well that’s what normally splits people up. Annoying habits. Like picking your nose and then staring at it, do you do that?
FOWLER: No I do not, you foul boy!
GOODY: How about blowing off under the sheets and then going “Blimey, nobody smoke”?
FOWLER: Be quiet, Goody.
GOODY: Well you certainly slurp your tea, because that gets on everyone’s nerves. (to general agreement)]
GRIM: (enters) Women! Can’t flipping please them no matter what you do! I bought her a 250g box of Milk Tray. She only says she wants champagne! Cor, I managed to get her to settle for a bottle of Asti, but it still meant getting in the car.
BOYLE: Well, I reckon the problem is you’re both too nice. Birds don’t appreciate it. Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen. Walk away. Ta-ta babes, it’s been fun, but your luck’s run out. There’s plenty more nuggets in a family portion, and I’ve stuck my toothbrush in your mug for the last time.
FOWLER: And for those of us whose first language is English?
BOYLE: Forget it all for a night. Get out on the pull. Meet some other girls for a change. Have a drink, a laugh.
FOWLER: Well I suppose it can’t hurt.
GRIM: Will I’m not going. [You sad, single blokes can fritter your lives away, but I am a steady family man leading a steady family life. Things which I can assure you I will be pointing out at the promotion review board tomorrow.]
Grim’s explanation of why he’s not going out clubbing isn’t exactly needed, per se, but it does add a bit of clarity to the ongoing promotion board thread.
(23:19) And here we reach the really fascinating section of cuts. When I started examining this episode, I expected most of the edits to be the usual; trimmed dialogue from existing scenes. Maybe the odd dropped scene. What I certainly didn’t expect is the following.
Because at this point in the episode, a whole five minute continuous section of the show is removed in the broadcast version!
Firstly we have this section with Habib, setting up Dawkins going out to the club too, along with Goody’s continuing efforts to keep fit:
This is worth it for an additional glimpse of my favourite underrated catchphrase in sitcom history: “I shall speak to your mother!”
Next up, an entire scene with Fowler in the locker room, with yet more of Goody’s keep fit antics:
At precisely 1:09 into that video is the most Pepperpot any Thin Blue Line audience ever got.
Finally, a scene set outside the club itself, where Boyle gets in by flashing his credentials:4
The most fascinating this about this whole five minute section is how little we actually lose in terms of story by getting rid of it entirely. The most obvious loss is the setup of Habib and Dawkins going out to the club; their appearance in the broadcast version is a little sudden. But the rest of it has remarkably little to contribute to the story being told.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s enjoyable material, and I’m very pleased to have it. But it’s interesting how a whole five minute section can be removed from the episode, with rather less impact than you’d think.
(28:45) Inside the club, and the start of a fair few snips.5
BOYLE: You don’t have to talk to ’em. Just boogie up to them and do this. (Wink, pout.) If they don’t naff off, you’re on for the full portion.
FOWLER: The what?
BOYLE: [A nice little dance.] Have a go.Fowler and Goody do so, and find themselves winking at each other.
MANAGER: Alright boys, keep it discreet, gay night’s Tuesdays. [(to Fowler) If you fancy a private drink a little later, love, I’ve got a nice little room upstairs.
BOYLE: I think you’ve pulled already, sir. Let’s go.]
I think I might prefer the broadcast version here. The line about Tuesdays is already funny, I’m not sure it needs to go any futher.
(30:28) A shot of Fowler looking into his glass alone and depressed is cut from the broadcast version. This is followed by a shot of Dawkins getting up and dancing in the extended version; this is moved to after Goody’s terrifying experience on the dancefloor for broadcast, and also shortened.
(32:22) Fowler catching the nightclub manager’s eye and getting winked at is snipped; understandably, as his proposition from earlier was cut.
(33:16) The next day, back at the station, the start of the reception scene is snipped:
[HABIB: So, you coming out on the razz again tonight, Pat?
DAWKINS: No. I’m going to eat a bag of cream cakes, drink half a bottle of Bailey’s, and watch telly.]
HABIB: You miss Inspector Fowler a lot, don’t you?
(35:55) Grim announcing [“Right, I’ll fix it myself!”] and approaching the water cooler is cut.
(35:59) This is then followed by a whole scene in the locker room between Grim and Gladstone, removed in the broadcast version:
I find Gladstone’s shoulder pat at the end very touching, and a sad loss.
(36:55) I’m afraid to inform you that the following absolutely scintillating dialogue back at reception is cut from the broadcast version.
[HABIB: There’s your tea, Pat.
DAWKINS: Thanks.]
Outrageous.
(37:39) A short trim from the ongoing dog confusion:
HABIB: Well, how are you getting on with Toby?
DAWKINS: Well the problem is he can be so rough. He doesn’t know his own strength sometimes, he nearly knocks me over.
[HABIB: By you’re not worried he’s bite you?
DAWKINS: Well I don’t think so. But if I’m late with his dinner, he snarls and growls and looks a bit threatening.]
HABIB: Does he insist on sleeping with you every night? Even though you don’t want him to?
(40:14) And finally, the end credits of the broadcast version remove two names: Keeley Gainey, and Paul Kynman. Paul was the bouncer outside the club, and Keeley is the person asking Boyle for a drink in the same scene. As this whole scene is removed from this version, out the names go.
And that’s your lot. I have to say, it’s very difficult to pick a superior version of this particular episode. For every bit of material I miss, there’s a trim which improves things. On the whole, I’d say the extended version is the one to pick, but how delightful to actually have the choice.
All of which leaves one final question. When most of Series 2 of The Thin Blue Line was only extended by three minutes or so, why did this episode have a full 10 minutes of extra material? Of course, it is possible that the episode simply overran; exactly this happened to the Red Dwarf episode “Holoship” (TX: 20/2/92), for instance.
But I do have a further suggestion. Three days after this episode of Thin Blue Line was shown, the Christmas episode of 2point4 children was broadcast, “Two Years before the Mast” (26/12/96). And crucially: it was broadcast in a 40 minute slot. Is it not possible that “The Green Eyed Monster” was commissioned for the same, and then there were second thoughts? Especially with 1996 already being a sitcom-rich Christmas, with the brand new Only Fools and Horses trilogy also airing?
Who knows. Well, actually, I suspect at least one person does. One day, I’ll lock Ben Elton in a cupboard and force all this stuff out of him.
With thanks to Darrell Maclaine-Jones and Mike Scott.
In answer to a question I was asked about these pieces: only Series 2 got these extended edits. None were released for Series 1. ↩
Any excuse to point to this video. ↩
For that matter, I’m also extremely interested in seeing Rimmer’s collection of pictures of 20th century telegraph poles. Remind me to write that article about how huge chunks of an sitcom’s audience actually identify with the pursuits of supposedly sad and pathetic characters. ↩
Insert shocked Goody face here. ↩
Throughout this whole location sequence set in the club, the occasional shot has been slightly shortened. To document all this would drive everybody absolutely mad, most of all me, so I’m only noting where actual dialogue has been snipped. ↩