The Laughing Vulcan

It’s funny how an anecdote can be mostly correct, and yet give entirely the wrong impression of an event.

So it is with this story from Cliff Bole, the most prolific director of Star Trek: The Next Generation, with a full 25 episodes to his name. Recently, I was reading this interview with Bole on the official Star Trek site. And something stood out to me as an obvious little mystery.

How much interaction did you have with Gene Roddenberry?

Initially, quite a bit. We met two or three times a week, creatively. He gave his input and, of course, I gave my input. I had quite a bit of Roddenberry, and with Rick and the rest of the group. Roddenberry was totally committed to it. I did one episode with a Spock-like character in it, and this character laughed. Roddenberry saw the dailies and said, “That was the biggest mistake you ever made.” I said, “Well, I was only following the script, because it was written.” Vulcans don’t laugh or smile, but it got by everybody. This laugh was kind of a broad laugh, but it was written. Anyway, we did a retake of it and it was fine, and it never happened again, I can assure you. But that was Roddenberry who picked it out.

All very interesting. Of course, Bole didn’t actually give us any of the useful information in order to identify the scene, like the name of the episode or anything. We’re forced to do the donkeywork for ourselves.

Luckily, it doesn’t end up being too difficult. Bole clearly says this happened at the beginning of his time on TNG: all we have to do is find which of his early episodes had a Vulcan in it. This turns out to be “Conspiracy” (TX: 9/5/88)¹, late in Season 1, and the third episode Bole directed.

Ah, yes, the notorious “Conspiracy”, where Picard and gang foil a parasitic invasion of Starfleet. It’s one of my favourite kinds of Star Trek, alongside episodes like DS9’s “Valiant” (TX: 6/5/98) and especially Voyager’s “Course: Oblivion” (TX: 3/3/99), where being doom-laden and unpleasant is a huge part of the point. Cue much discussion of packing head moulds with real meat and blowing them up.

But we’re interested in a different kind of transgression. “Conspiracy” features a Vulcan named Savar, played by Henry Darrow. At no point in the episode does he laugh, but that’s as expected: according to Bole, the moment was reshot due to Roddenberry’s objections. But remember: Bole does claim that the laughing moment was in the original script.

And here’s where we get lucky. Brilliantly, every single script for TNG is available online. And I really do mean script, not transcript. These are the actual drafts used for production, stage directions and all.

So, does a Vulcan laugh in the script for “Conspiracy”, or is it all a load of rubbish?²

84 INT. DINING ROOM – PICARD (OPTICAL)

is seated across from Aaron and Savar at a polished black table. Three other settings are unattended – in front of each is a silver bowl-like covering that conceals the entree.

A ceremonial guard lines the wall beside the table…

AARON: Go ahead and start, Captain. We don’t stand on ceremony around here.

Picard removes the lid and is repulsed to find a plate full of squirming worm-like things — moving around like living spaghetti.

Picard quickly pushes his plate away and watches in abstract horror as Savar and Aaron greedily use their hands to down their portions of the same living meal.

The Guard MOVES FORWARD and wolfs down a bowl of the stuff.

AARON: (continuing) Oh do eat up, Picard. Just raise your hand if you want seconds.

The admirals and the guards laugh salaciously. The sight of a Vulcan giggling as he chews on live worms is too much for Picard to bear.

Jumping to his feet, he turns and runs right into Number One. Riker roughly shoves the captain back into his seat.

RIKER: You’re not going anywhere.

Picard closes his eyes in dull shock as Aaron walks to Riker and reveals the blue splinter on the back of Riker’s neck…

RIKER: (continuing; to Picard) You’ll be one of us soon.

Bingo. Yes, it’s the famous worm-eating scene.

And all of a sudden, everything clicks into place. The screenplay for “Conspiracy” was written by Tracy Tormé, from an original story by Robert Sabaroff. Bole’s anecdote makes it sound like Tormé simply didn’t know how to write Vulcans, and nobody else noticed: “Vulcans don’t laugh or smile, but it got by everybody.” But the above script excerpt makes it clear that Tormé knew exactly what he was doing. The whole point of the laugh was to show that Savar wasn’t a true Vulcan any more; that the parasite has completely taken over.

The key line of the script here is:

The admirals and the guards laugh salaciously. The sight of a Vulcan giggling as he chews on live worms is too much for Picard to bear.

It’s the sight of a Vulcan giggling which disturbs Picard as much as the worms.

Now, was this the correct way to write the scene? It doesn’t matter. I personally think it was, and I suspect I may have preferred the original take that we never got to see. But that’s not the point. The point is that a perfectly – yes, logical – piece of writing was misrepresented as “the writer didn’t know how to write Vulcans”. Which is clearly not the case at all. It was a very specific decision taken by Tormé to indicate that something was wrong.

None of which we’d know… unless we had access to the script, and could be bothered to figure it all out. Always check your primary sources, kids.

1. All TX dates in this article are of the first US broadcast. ↩

2. Excerpt reformatted for ease-of-reading here. ↩

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