Take a look at the below scene from the pilot of Fawlty Towers, recorded in Studio 8 at Television Centre on the 23rd December 1974, and broadcast on the 19th September 1975.
I always think the knocking of the tray, expertly executed by Cleese and Booth, doesn’t get nearly enough of an audience reaction. Come on, it should get roars. But slagging off TV Centre audiences from 1974 isn’t our topic for today.
Instead, here is how the above scene is represented in the script book Fawlty Towers: Book 2, published by Contact Publications in 1977:
DANNY: ‘Ave you got half bottle of the Beaujolais?
BASIL: Yes.
DANNY: Oh fine.Basil withdraws the wine list with a defiant flourish.
[A blurry screengrab is inserted here, of Basil knocking Polly’s tray.]
Danny’s grapefruit lands on the floor.
BASIL: Never mind! Never mind! Another grapefruit for table twelve please… Manuel!!
Polly dashes off as Manuel comes in. Basil points at the fallen grapefruit and turns to the other guests.
BASIL: I’m so sorry, I do apologise…
Manuel picks up the grapefruit and cleans it. Basil starts to watch him. He is clearly going to replace it on the table.
BASIL: …No!! …Throw it away.
MANUEL: Que?
BASIL: Throw… it… away!Basil mimes a throw. Manuel is hesitant.
BASIL: Now!!!
Manuel throws the grapefruit away. Basil retrieves it, grabs Manuel and runs with him out of the room. He addresses the various tables as he passes…
BASIL: Sorry! …Sorry! …Sorry!
The two of them disappear. There is a yelp from Manuel. Polly arrives bearing Danny’s new grapefruit.
And here is how the above scene is represented in the script book The Complete Fawlty Towers, published by Guild Publishing in 1989:
DANNY: ‘Ave you got half bottle of the Beaujolais?
BASIL: Yes.
DANNY: Oh, fine.Basil withdraws the wine list with a flourish, knocking the grapefruit out of Polly’s hand as she approaches the table.
BASIL: Right! Never mind! Manuel – another grapefruit for table twelve please… Manuel! (Pointing at the grapefruit on the floor – to other guests) I do beg your pardon… I’m so sorry…
Manuel picks up the grapefruit and cleans it. He is about to replace it on the table.
BASIL: …No! …Throw it away.
MANUEL: Qué?
BASIL: Throw… it …away!
MANUEL: Throw… it …away?
BASIL: (Miming a throw) Throw it away!! Now!!!Manuel throws it away; it lands on another table. Basil retrieves it, grabs Manuel, and runs with him out of the room.
BASIL: (to the other tables as he passes) Sorry! …Sorry! …Sorry!
They disappear into the kitchen. There is the sound of a slap and a yelp from Manuel. Polly appears bearing Danny’s new grapefruit.
Finally, here is how the scene is represented in the original 1974 production script, which was swept into my hands one blustery day:
DANNY: Oh thanks… have you got a half bottle of the Beaujolais
BASIL: (LOOKS AT WATCH) Of course
DANNY: I’ll have that please.HE HANDS THE WINE LIST BACK TO BASIL WHO TAKES IT WITH A FLOURISH AND TURNS. UNFORTUNATELY THE FLOURISHED MENUS COME IN CONTACT WITH THE GRAPEFRUIT WHICH POLLY IS BRINGING UP BEHIND BASIL AND THIS CAUSES THE GRAPEFRUIT TO SOAR INTO THE AIR AMONG THE OTHER TABLES
BASIL STARTS WITH SURPRISE AND POLLY LEAPS BACK. THERE IS A MOMENT WHEN IT IS AN EVENS CHANCE THAT BASIL WILL ATTACK POLLY BUT THEN…
BASIL: Never mind! Never mind! Manuel! (HE INDICATES THE FALLEN GRAPEFRUIT TO MANUEL) (TO POLLY) Another grapefruit for table twelve please.
POLLY HURRIES AWAY AND MANUEL RUNS UP TO BASIL CARRYING THE FALLEN GRAPEFRUIT. MANUEL IS WIPING THE GRAPEFRUIT OFF WITH HIS SLEEVE. HE GIVES IT BASIL. BASIL LOOKS AT HIM UNKINDLY.
BASIL: NO. Throw it away.
MANUEL: …Please?
BASIL Throw (HE MIMES) it away…MANUEL PAUSES
BASIL: Now!
MANUEL TURNS AND THROWS IT OUT OF THE WINDOW STARTLING THE WAREINGS WHO ARE SEATED BY THE WINDOW. HE TURNS WITH A HAPPY SMILE. INSTEAD OF MURDERING HIM, BASIL TAKES HIM BY THE ARM AND LEADS HIM BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.
BASIL: (TO WAREINGS WITH SLIGHT JOLLITY) Sorry!
AS THE TWO OF THEM DISAPPEAR INTO THE KITCHEN, BASIL MAKES A SHARP MOVEMENT TOWARDS MANUEL AND POLLY APPEARS BEARING DANNY BROWN’S NEW GRAPEFRUIT.
Let’s all take a few minutes to recover.
Right, a few thoughts. Firstly, of all the little revelations about this scene in the production script, the major one for me is the revelation that Manuel was supposed to throw the grapefruit out of the window, rather than merely onto the Wareings’ table. I don’t think Sachs throws it wrong in the take; presumably throwing it onto the table made more sense logistically in the studio. It’s also surely much funnier, as a table throw more directly inconveniences the Wareings.
Notably, we can still see the window next to the Wareings is open in the final show:
Secondly, the note in the camera script that “there is a moment when it is an evens chance that Basil will attack Polly” is startling to read at first glance. This doesn’t happen at all in the final episode, presumably because it would involve a glowering pause, and the scene is funnier with Cleese just pelting forwards with the dialogue at full speed.
But it doesn’t seem especially out-of-character for Basil, on reflection. In the very next episode, “The Builders”, there is a moment which seems to expand on the original description above, including Polly’s leap back:
But here’s my main point about what we can read in the production script. I was already laughing at the stage direction “Basil looks at him unkindly”, but the following had me on the floor:
MANUEL TURNS AND THROWS IT OUT OF THE WINDOW STARTLING THE WAREINGS WHO ARE SEATED BY THE WINDOW. HE TURNS WITH A HAPPY SMILE. INSTEAD OF MURDERING HIM, BASIL TAKES HIM BY THE ARM AND LEADS HIM BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.
“Instead of murdering him”. That instantly became one of my favourite Fawlty Towers jokes, despite merely being a stage direction. Funny writers don’t stop being funny just because they’re not writing dialogue.1 And yet for whatever reason, it doesn’t show up in either of the script books at all.
So are those script books just boring transcripts of the episodes, rather than based on the production scripts? Are they Blackadder: The Whole Damn Dynasty, rather than Father Ted: The Complete Scripts? I don’t think they are. As I detailed recently, the published script for “Gourmet Night” includes material which was deleted from the final episode; this material just wouldn’t be present if the episodes were purely transcribed. And yet most of the stage directions are entirely rewritten.
Was someone paid to go through the scripts of Fawlty Towers and take all the funny jokes out of the stage directions for a general audience? What a terrible, terrible job.
In short: please publish all the production scripts for Fawlty Towers officially, thank you, bye.
* * *
Sorry, what’s that? You want to know whether the production script of the Fawlty Towers pilot reveals anything about a certain long-standing mystery with Polly changing from a philosophy student to an art student?
Way ahead of you. Watch this space.
If we want to overanalyse the joke, then “Instead of murdering him” is a character joke about Basil; the idea that it was even an option that might cross his mind is very, very funny. ↩
7 comments
Rob Keeley on 22 March 2023 @ 5pm
Thanks for another fascinating and entertaining article, John. Can’t wait to read more. And please, please do You Rang M’Lord part two! I have my 1990 VHS ready and waiting.
Some amusing stage directions did make it to the most recent Fawlty script book, which I have. I’m particularly fond of “Weasels dance the hornpipe” in a description of a new day in The Builders. Gourmet Night is still full of them too, e.g. when Manuel treads on the duck – “but the poor thing is terribly injured”. You can hear Cleese in all of this (the Python scripts are full of stuff like this) so I wouldn’t have thought it was a complete rewrite.
John J. Hoare on 22 March 2023 @ 8pm
Yes, the relationship between the production scripts and those script books could definitely do with more analysis. It really does seem like they used the production scripts as a basis, and then liberally rewrote everything to more closely match what we saw on-screen… at the expense of some delightful turns of phrase. But as you say, *some* of it does seem to have been retained.
The other question is: who did the adaptation? I kinda bet it wasn’t Cleese or Booth, I can’t believe they’d cut the two stage directions I list above. Presumably, it was some random editor at the publishing companies. I really do think anybody who cuts “instead of murdering him” is lacking a funny bone.
Annoyingly, I only have a full copy of the pilot script, though various pages of other episodes are floating around the net, which might help nail a few things down.
(And yeah, YRML has got away from me entirely, I’ve been far too busy other bits and pieces. I will return to it, I promise, but I have to get the flash frames stuff done first!)
Philip Tate on 22 March 2023 @ 8pm
Brilliant work as always. The little differences are fascinating. This is an absolute joy:
“Manuel picks up the grapefruit and cleans it. Basil starts to watch him. He is clearly going to replace it on the table.”
This is functional and dull:
“Manuel picks up the grapefruit and cleans it. He is about to replace it on the table.”
Just that simple switch to Basil’s perspective is EVERYTHING.
John J. Hoare on 23 March 2023 @ 9am
That is a brilliant example. You’re 100% right. So many changes between those two books, and you have to wonder: why did they bother? If you’re not going to publish the original script, why rewrite all the stage directions *again*?!
Rob Keeley on 23 March 2023 @ 4pm
Could it be something as boring as getting the word count down (something of which I have lots of deadly experience)? The original stage directions are quite verbose. The first script book only had three episodes so it would have been less of a problem there.
Malc Leary on 24 March 2023 @ 12pm
Excellent stuff again John, thanks.
I’ve a few articles of yours to catch up on, so… I’ll put the kettle on (or should that be.. “Polly, Put the kettle on”?)
Cheers
John J. Hoare on 27 March 2023 @ 8pm
Cheers Malc, much appreciated!
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