Project No: 1144/3361

If there’s one thing you should know about me by now, it’s that I will accept any excuse to write about Fawlty Towers. Already this year, we’ve taken a look at cut material from “Gourmet Night”, a superb stage direction from the pilot, and the real truth behind Polly becoming a philosophy student.

Those latter two pieces were written with the aid of a camera script of that pilot: the actual script they took into the studio on the 23rd December 1974. And of course, there are numerous other revelations in that script, which I just have to share with you. Including one moment which I desperately wish had made it to the screen.

Let’s take a step through the episode as broadcast, and see what fun stuff we can dig out. I haven’t mentioned every single tiny change in dialogue, because you would want to kill me, but that still leaves plenty to take a look at. Material present in the script but cut or changed for transmission is rendered like this.

(0:54) A beautiful stage direction introducing Manuel:

(MANUEL SPEAKS VERY LITTLE ENGLISH AND UNDERSTANDS LESS)

Summing up the entire character in a highly amusing fashion, in eight words. Brilliant.

(2:00) It’s myth-busting time! Take a look at the following quote from the tome Fawlty Towers: Fully Booked (BBC Worldwide, 2001), about everybody’s favourite dotty old ladies, Miss Gatsby and Miss Tibbs:

“Interestingly, the two old dears who appeared in the opening show are not only uncredited and completely without dialogue, but clearly played by different actresses from the rest of the series. Renée Roberts and Gilly Flower, who made their first appearance in the second episode of series one and stayed until the conclusion, were pros of the old school, with literally hundreds of stage and television credits to their name.”

They are indeed uncredited and without dialogue, but it is actually Renée Roberts and Gilly Flower in the pilot, and their names are present in the cast list at the front of the script. Careful examination of the actual episode also proves it is actually them. To be fair, a combination of different hairstyles, different clothes, and only seeing them in a wide shot, means that I can see how the confusion arose.

There’s another brilliant stage direction given here. When Sybil greets the old ladies, we get:

(WITH CHARM NOT TOO OBVIOUSLY MANUFACTURED)

Not too obviously… but still manufactured.

(2:42) A lost bit of business with Basil attempting to put the picture up:

(HOLDING THE PICTURE IN POSITION HE HAS TO FREE ONE HAND TO LOOK FOR A PENCIL. HE HAS GREAT DIFFICULTY GETTING THE PENCIL OUT AND DROPS IT. IT FALLS FURTHER AWAY THAN HE CAN REACH WITHOUT PUTTING THE PICTURE DOWN. HE REACTS. LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER AND PUTS THE PICTURE DOWN QUICKLY. HE PICKS UP THE PENCIL AND PUTS THE PICTURE AGAINST THE WALL AGAIN. HE READJUSTS THE PICTURE AND IS ABOUT TO MARK IT WHEN A YOUNG MAN WHO HAS ARRIVED AT RECEPTION WITH HIS YOUNG WIFE RINGS THE RECEPTION BELL. BASIL TURNS.)

In the final episode, we see Basil reaching for the pencil, and then the young couple immediately run in and ring the bell. There’s no obvious edit where the extra business with the pencil could have occurred – the young couple are seen running into the background of the shot immediately after Sybil leaves – so this was almost certainly cut before the recording.

(5:15) A tweak of tenses in the office scene between Basil and Sybil. In the script, we get:

BASIL: Sybil! Over the years we’ve lost tone.
SYBIL: We’ve made money.

As broadcast, the lines are:

BASIL: We’re losing tone!
SYBIL: We’re making money.

It’s a small thing, but having Basil and Sybil talk in the present tense makes the scene feel much more immediate.

(6:05) Another wonderful stage direction, as Basil is interrupted in the office by Danny’s arrival:

THE RECEPTION BELL RINGS. BASIL STOPS. IT’S THE ENEMY AGAIN. SETTING HIS FACE HE WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR LEADING TO THE RECEPTION COUNTER AND GOES THROUGH IT.

“It’s the enemy again” sums up Basil’s entire attitude towards the general public, and is one of the things I was getting at in this piece.

(6:31) An interesting stage direction as Danny catches sight of Polly:

POLLY, THE WAITRESS, WALKS BY THE RECEPTION AREA, LOOKING RATHER ATTRACTIVE IN A DEMURE SORT OF WAY. DANNY BROWN GLANCES AT HER AND SHE CATCHES HIS EYE IN AN UNSELFCONSCIOUS WAY

“Demure” is perhaps an odd word to describe Polly, but is quite accurate for the pilot, where she dresses in a rather less glamorous way than in the rest of the series. No chance of any Fawlty Titties here. You have to wonder whether the changes made here between the pilot and the series were part of the same thinking which turned Polly from a philosophy student to being an art student. Are art students more overtly sexual than philosophy students? They are in sitcoms, anyway.

One other thing worth noting here: in the broadcast episode, Polly greets Danny with “Good morning”. In the script, it’s “Good afternoon“. “Morning” surely makes more sense; we’ve just seen the couple who are late because they didn’t get their alarm call, after all.

(8:18) A lost little moment, as Basil sulks back into the office after his altercation with Danny:

BASIL TURNS AND RE-ENTERS THE OFFICE. HE HEAVES A SIGH OF ANGER, TAKES A SIP OF TEA WHICH IS LUKEWARM, AND HEAVES ANOTHER DISAPPOINTED SIGH. HE SWITCHES SOME MUSIC ON – BRAHMS – ON HIS GRAMOPHONE, SETTLES INTO A CHAIR AND LISTENS FOR A MOMENT IN RAPTURE. THEN HE HEARS SOMETHING, LEAPS UP AND RUNS OUT.

All the tea business is gone. It’s lovely to read on the page, but that’s exactly the problem – it’s a moment which only really works on the page. How is the audience supposed to know his tea has gone lukewarm?

(12:10) A very amusing bit cut out of Basil’s phone call to O’Reilly:

BASIL: Yes, when? Yes, yes, when? When when when when when when when when when oooh… flu (TO LORD MELBURY) Both names, please.

I can hear Cleese delivering that line. Rapid fire, monotone.

(16:30) An amusing little amendment. When Basil moves the Wareings to give Melbury a window seat, the script simply states:

HE TAKES A VASE OF FLOWERS OFF SOMEBODY ELSE’S TABLE AND PUTS IT DOWN ON LORD MELBURY’S TABLE-TO-BE

In the broadcast episode, he does indeed take a vase off somebody else’s table. But more specifically, it’s the new table that the Wareings are now seated at which Basil nicks the flowers from! Which is an amusing extra insult to them, and gets an particularly foul glare from Mr. Wareing in particular.

(16:43) I find this one particularly fascinating. Here is how Basil’s misadventure with Melbury and the chair in the dining room is described:

ACTION

BASIL TAKES HIS CHAIR AND MOVES IT SO THAT LORD MELBURY CAN SIT DOWN COMFORTABLY. UNFORTUNATELY HE TAKES IT WRONGLY SO THAT MELBURY COMPLETELY MISSES THE CHAIR AND LANDS HALF WAY UNDER THE TABLE. THE VASE TIPS OVER (NB SPECIAL EFFECT) SO THAT THE WATER FLOWS OUT OVER MELBURY’S HEAD AND FLOWERS ADORN HIM TO A SLIGHT EXTENT.

This arresting image doesn’t really happen in the episode as broadcast; of course Melbury ends up on the floor and the vase tips over, but we don’t see water going over Melbury’s head, nor do the flowers “adorn him to a slight extent”. This was clearly not an idle whim or a rhetorical flourish while writing the script; there is a specific request for a special effect to try and achieve it.

Ultimately, though, this kind of thing is difficult to do in a studio sitcom; it feels like they were writing for film here. And besides, the joy of the scene is in the wide shot; it’s the double punch of Melbury on the floor and Basil immediately hitting an unsuspecting Manuel which is funny. We wouldn’t be able to see the water and the flowers on Melbury without a close-up anyway, but a close-up would kinda ruin the gag.¹

(18:55) Most moments I’m writing about in this article are gags present in the script, but cut for the broadcast version of the episode. This is the opposite; a moment which was added after the script was finalised. As broadcast, Basil says this:

BASIL: It’s delightful to have people like that staying here. Sheer class. Golf, baths, engagements, a couple of hundr…hu-hu-hor-ha-horses…

The script?

BASIL: It’s delightful to have people like that staying here. Baths, engagements, golf, a couple of hundred.

The additional joke makes logical sense too; wouldn’t Sybil ask what Basil meant by “a couple of hundred”?

(21:09) This is nothing to do with the script, but it’s something that’s always struck me, and I’ll never find anywhere else to talk about it. When Basil accosts Polly as she arrives back from the high street, that sure doesn’t sound like Connie Booth saying “Yes…” Did they need to do a last-minute bit of dubbing, and Booth wasn’t available?

(21:51) A bit of a weird one. Mr. Wareing appears and asks for his famous order:

MR. WAREING: A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water please.

Except in the script here, he asks for the slightly different:

MR. WAREING: A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and soda please.

Oddly enough, the script does use “water” for Mr. Wareing’s second request for his order. If you wish, you can have a long argument in the comments as to whether “water” or “soda” is funnier.

(22:55) A small note, but interesting nonetheless: as Polly runs out of the hotel to give the sign to Danny and THE LADS, the script indicates that there is supposed to be music at this point. This wisely went unused for the broadcast version; music tends to be used in the pilot to indicate a separate scene and/or the passage or time. I suspect it would have felt rather odd to have music here during a sequence of continuous action.

(25:49) Basil’s fun with the bricks in the case is described pretty much as broadcast in the script, but his final action is different. As broadcast, he clanks the bricks together thoughtfully. Instead, in the script:

AFTER A PAUSE HE TRIES TO NIBBLE ONE.

(27:23) The final action sequence with Melbury getting arrested contains many changes from the final script; some of them fairly minor and not really worth noting. But I’ll mention what I see as the major changes:

Firstly, the bastards. Basil’s initial cry of “You bastard!” is just “bastard“ in the script. Meanwhile, his second “bastard” later on is described as (TO HIMSELF), but in the final episode, he yells it with gay abandon. The result is a far harsher scene in the broadcast episode than it reads on the page.

(27:32) Basil’s “May I introduce your wife?” to Sybil isn’t present in the script. In fact, Sybil entering the scene isn’t acknowledged anywhere in the dialogue in the camera script, although the shot list at this point does mention “WIDEN TO 2S BASIL/SYBIL”. Perhaps this extra line was added during studio rehearsals, where it felt weird for her to arrive and not be referenced?

Of course, Basil saying “your wife” to Sybil is a mistake by Cleese anyway, as he admits on the DVD commentary:

“Now why did I say at that moment “May I introduce your wife”? The answer is because: I was distracted and said that line wrongly. But there’s so much action going on it didn’t matter.”

Cleese blames being “distracted”, but you have to wonder whether the line being a last-minute addition might be a contributing factor to him getting it wrong.

(27:42) Oh, this is my favourite missing thing in the whole script. Behold this piece of joy:

(MELBURY NOW OPENS THE DINING ROOM DOOR AND SEEING THE FRONT DOOR CLEAR DASHES TOWARDS IT. POLLY, BRILLIANTLY, KICKS HIM IN THE CRUTCH.² HE GOES DOWN AND ROLLS OVER. DANNY SITS ON HIS HEAD)

None of this happens in the broadcast episode – Melbury simply runs into a (rather ostentatiously-placed) table, and goes down. I would most definitely have preferred Action Polly here. Were they worried that she would lose sympathy with the audience if she was this violent, this early? At least they waited ten episodes before she kills a dog.

As for Danny sitting on his head, well, I’ve hung around in enough dodgy places online to know that entire fanfics could have been written about that.

(27:50) As scripted, Basil’s first assault on Melbury:

BASIL WALKS ROUND THE COUNTER, TAKES OUT MELBURY’S WALLET, TAKES THE MONEY OUT, PUTS THE WALLET BACK PAUSES, PLACES A RATHER GENTLE KICK IN MELBURY’S PERSON AND WALKS ROUND THE COUNTER AGAIN.

In the final episode, Basil is rather more forthright here, kicking Melbury first, before retrieving the wallet. The original version is far more methodical, and is great on the page – carefully considered violence is very funny – but I think you might struggle to make it work on-screen.

(28:12) An extra line in the script from Sir Richard, upon his escape:

SIR R.: I’ve never been such a place in my life. Like Butlin’s.

I’d be willing to be this extra bit was actually filmed; we cut away from Sir Richard very quickly after the transmitted line.

(28:47) Just after Basil threatens Melbury for one final time outside, Basil shakes his fist at an errant plant pot. This is nowhere in the script. As Cleese points out in his DVD commentary, it would have been better off having been left out anyway:

“Watch this next bit of business. This doesn’t work. I back against that thing with my leg, and you don’t see that I bumped into it and that I take it as an assault and threaten it. And that’s because I didn’t focus the attention, the audience, on the fact I was bumping into it. They miss it, so the thing appears to be unmotivated.”

Cleese very precisely pointing out all the things in Fawlty Towers which don’t quite work is one of my favourite things in the world.

(29:12) After all the excitement is over, and Basil has thanked Polly, the following lines are in the broadcast episode, but not present in the script at all:

BASIL: Well done, Manuel.
MANUEL: Qué?
BASIL: Oh, olé.

This is a lovely addition, presumably done last minute. It brings Manuel properly into the core gang of the episode, which is a vital thing for the pilot to establish.

(29:32) And finally, a bit of an oddity. In general, I’d argue that the script of this episode actually hews pretty close to the final broadcast of the show. It certainly doesn’t feel underwritten in any sense whatsoever. But the end of the episode is much less punchy in the script than the final episode, in a way we don’t quite see elsewhere.

Here’s the final moments of the show, as originally scripted:

MR. WAREING: A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and soda.
BASIL: Alright. Come on.

INT BAR FOR END CREDIT SEQUENCE

BASIL SITS MR. WAREING DOWN AND THEN STARTS TO SERVE HIM HIS DRINKS

As broadcast?

MR. WAREING: A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water please.
BASIL: RIGHT!

BASIL THROWS DOWN THE PICTURE IN DESPAIR, AND IT SMASHES

There are a number of things inferior to the version on the page. Mr. Wareing’s “please” feels absolutely vital; surely the gag requires the line to be scripted exactly as it was before for it to work? We also get absolutely no indication of Basil smashing the picture; this surely would have been mentioned if it had been originally planned, as they would have needed to mention the sound effect as per elsewhere in the script. This is a delightful last minute joke, as it ties together a running thread of the episode which has been present right from the opening scene.

Meanwhile, Basil dragging Mr. Wareing back to the bar isn’t explicitly mentioned in the script – we just get:

BASIL SITS MR. WAREING DOWN AND THEN STARTS TO SERVE HIM HIS DRINKS

Which is technically accurate, but doesn’t quite capture the sheer manhandling Cleese does in this scene. We don’t even get Basil’s “Pour it yourselves!” as the episode fades to black. A travesty.

And that’s your lot, with a script with really very few changes on the whole. So many of these kind of script examinations have huge chunks of deleted dialogue; with perhaps the exception of the last scene, which feels a little undercooked, Cleese and Booth did their work well before they got into the studio.

But man, I really wish we’d got to see Polly kick Melbury in the balls.

With thanks to Tanya Jones.

---

1. Incidentally, this scene contains one of my favourite lines of the episode. Mr. Wareing’s “I think he’s killed him!” is brilliant; absolutely the very least helpful thing he could possibly say at that given moment. ↩

2. Yes, spelt with a ‘u’, which is a valid alternative spelling of crotch, but not much seen these days. ↩

Read more about...

best of, fawlty towers