“It’s Just So Crypto-Fascist!”

Where were you when Napalm Death appeared on Children’s BBC?

For me, the answer was… not watching Napalm Death on Children’s BBC. Music show What’s That Noise? was not a favourite of mine. Perhaps I detected the vague whiff of education, and I’d already had enough of that by that point in the afternoon. At 4:35pm on the 10th October 1989 I was probably watching Sooty and Count Duckula on the other side. Or on my computer. Or eating tea. Anything, in fact, than watching BBC1.

Oh well, my loss. See how great Craig Charles is here. “This is music for young lovers, step aside Kylie Minogue!”

The question is: what has the above moment got to do with Red Dwarf, beyond the involvement of Craig?

For the answer, we have to look at the episode “Timesides”, broadcast a couple of months later on the 12th December 1989. Specifically, young Lister’s band, Smeg and the Heads:

Young Lister there is Craig’s brother, Emile Charles, in an extremely amusing performance. And as for Gazza and Dobbin? Neither are listed in the end credits, but I suspect you can already see where I’m going with this one. Let’s check the production paperwork anyway:

BILL STEER – Dobbin the Drummer
JEFF WALKER – Gary the bassist

Dobbin is Bill Steer of, yes, Napalm Death, as per the first video in this article. And Jeff Walker is Gary, who was Steer’s bandmate in Carcass. This link surely isn’t coincidental?

Indeed it isn’t. Here are Jeff and Bill talking about it in a 2014 interview. Short version: Bill met Craig Charles doing What’s That Noise?, and it did indeed directly to them appearing in “Timeslides”:

Come for the link between Napalm Death and Red Dwarf, stay for the in-depth details of how residuals work for old BBC sitcoms.

And to wrap everything up, I’ve taken a look at when the various programmes were recorded, just to check that everything works in terms of the timeline:

14th May 1989 – What’s That Noise? is recorded
11th/12th September 1989 – Red Dwarf, “Timeslides” is recorded
10th October 1989 – What’s That Noise? is broadcast
12th December 1989 – Red Dwarf, “Timeslides” airs

Very good. And I couldn’t let you miss out the very last part of the show, with Napalm Death playing along with, among others, Patrick Moore:

But to be honest, the major music-related thing with “Timeslides” isn’t Smeg and the Heads. It isn’t even “Cash”, the song which features over Lister’s alternate timeline shenanigans, by Craig Charles’ band Bad News.

No. What everyone really wants to know is: what the library music used for “Lifestyles of the Disgustingly Rich and Famous”?

The answer: “In Town Tonight”, from the Parry Music Library.¹

You’re welcome.

With thanks to Pip Madeley. Well, I say thanks. I basically just nicked an entire Twitter thread.

Flair, PML 1025, Track 1. ↩

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