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TV Comedy

JOHNNY BEERGUT: They’re sacked!
SMASHIE & NICEY: We resign!

The internet is not short of praise for Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse’s Smashie and Nicey: The End of an Era (TX: 4/4/94). This is not surprising, given that it’s their masterwork. What the internet is short of, mind, is going through End of an Era with a fine toothcomb, and picking out bits of obscure production detail.

Hello there. After our relaunch, let’s get back to business as usual, right?

So take a look at the newspaper at the beginning of End of an Era, announcing the resignation of Smashie and Nicey in a highly amusing manner.1

Now, clearly they wouldn’t have written an entire edition of a newspaper just for this sequence. So our question for today: what real newspaper did the production team use as a basis for the prop?

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  1. Incidentally, I also enjoy the Hippies take on this joke: HIPPIES IN POINTLESS, STUPID PROTEST AT OBSCURE SANDPAPER EXHIBITION. 

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The Button

TV Presentation

When I worked in Channel 5 transmission, a long time ago now, there was an old lag. The kind you often find in TX. He’d been doing the same job for absolutely years; if I recall correctly, he’d worked on Channel 5 ever since its launch in 1997. Nothing fazed him, or at least seemed to faze him, which is the same thing. He was the kind of person you wanted to soak up every single last bit of knowledge from.

One day, we got talking about mistakes. Specifically, on-air mistakes. In my line of work, we’ve all made them. That horrible moment where your heart sinks, as something stupid happens to the channel you’re supposed to be protecting the output of. It’s a horrible, awful experience; you go home feeling like absolute shit. Sometimes you’re still thinking about it days later. I still have flashbacks to a mistake I made in 2014.

But I’ll never forget what this old lag told me, as a way of putting it all in perspective.

“Just imagine a button. Your job is to press that button at a certain time each day. That’s the only thing you have to do. Nothing else.”

I looked at him. “Yeah?”

“One day, you’d forget to press it.”

Dirty Feed IV

Meta

Yo, babes. After nearly five years, it’s time for a bit of a change around here. Welcome to the fourth incarnation of Dirty Feed.1 So what’s new?

In many ways: not much. Tags have been rethought somewhat; I was getting rather bored of writing “television, sitcom, comedy” for every single bloody post, so that nonsense has gone. In its place are a far more streamlined set of tags, along with a proper category system labelling articles as TV Comedy and the like. Far more pleasant and useful, I hope.

You’ll also note that the Twitter link in the header has permanently gone. I’m still around on Twitter, but the idea is to try and move away from it as the sole way of telling you all what I’m up to on here. The new Subscribe page is fairly basic at the moment, but over the next few months it should hopefully grow into something a little more interesting. I’ll keep things as vague as that for now.

But the main idea behind this redesign is to try and give this place a little more life. A splash more colour, quirkier but hopefully still readable fonts… and a brand new logo. Yes, that is a T. I think this spruce-up is more garish than the last design, and that is entirely deliberate. I’ll write a little more about this side of things in the days to come.

The usual health warnings apply; I’m still going through old posts to convert them to the new format, so don’t worry about any dodgy stuff there for now. In fact, while I say this every time, this design really is meant to be a work-in-progress rather something which sits there going mouldy. Let’s see if I manage to actually commit to that this time round, but I have plenty of ideas. Having said all of that, if you spot anything obnoxiously wrong, please let me know.

And for those of you who don’t give a tinker’s fuck about redesigns… hey, how about some brand new stuff on Smashie and Nicey: The End of an Era? OK, I’ll see what I can do.


  1. Previous incarnations: 2010, 2011, and 2017. 

Tedious Site Update

Meta

As anybody who has followed either me or this site knows by now, I have a rather nasty habit of deciding one thing on here, only to do the exact opposite. This reached its ultimate expression last year, where the site went on hiatus in January… only to give up two weeks later and then have the busiest and most prolific year in the site’s history.

Therefore, despite having plans, I was wary of promising exactly where the site was going at the start of this year, lest I completely change my mind as per fucking usual. But a month in, it’s become rather clearer what’s actually happening. So, in the spirit of actually wanting to communicate with you all properly, here’s the deal.1

1) The big news is that after years of promises, I’m finally in the middle of a proper redesign of this place. In fact, the main part of it is actually finished, and I’m currently picking away at fixing all the annoying little corners. I’m not going to give a launch date – I’ve learnt my lesson on that one at least – but it’ll probably be in the next few weeks.

New Dirty Feed logo

2) While this redesign takes place, Dirty Feed is on Reduced Power. There might be the odd post here and there, but nothing in-depth. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of fun stuff planned as soon as the redesign is complete. I’m itching to get started on them already.

3) Some of you will have noticed that I’m not currently on Twitter. I always planned to take a bit of a break at the start of the year, but I’m usually desperate to get back on there after a month away. I’m really, really not feeling like that at the moment. In fact, I’m happier than I’ve been for some considerable time as a direct result of not being there, and I’m getting more things done into the bargain.2

When Dirty Feed relaunches, I’ll end up reactivating my account, in order to catch up with various people, and let everyone know about updates on here. I’ll probably end up tweeting various silly things as well. But after years of trying, I’ve finally managed to break the habit of checking Twitter as soon as I wake up and getting into a spiral of feeling terrible for the whole day, and I don’t intend to go back to that.

TL;DR: Redesign coming, no in-depth posts until that happens, and Twitter is a fucking nightmare. See you soon.


  1. At this point, I like to think of a certain site who welcomed aboard a new writer, had them post for a couple of years, until they went on hiatus… and never returned. And never told their audience where they had gone, or what they were doing. And to top it off, silently deleted their last few posts. That is called treating your readers with contempt. 

  2. Fifty hours and counting on a replay of Final Fantasy XII qualifies as “getting things done”, right? 

The Wrong Wavelength

Life

When I was a kid, I went through a period of being obsessed with light bulbs.

Not in a useful way, mind. I wasn’t really obsessed with how they worked, or how they were made. No, I was interested in types of light bulbs. I’d wander any given department store, investigating. What’s this, a 40 watt bulb? 60W? 100W? 150W? When do you use which type of bulb, Dad? Why? Why?

And if the wattage alone was exciting, then you can imagine the state I was in when I discovered that you could buy bulbs of different colours. And, of course, I wanted one in my bedroom immediately. Why would I put up with a boring white bulb, when I could have something far more interesting instead?

*   *   *

Nottingham, in the early 90s. A detached house in the beautiful leafy suburb of Wollaton. There’s a primary school just over the road. It’s as respectable a scene as you could ever hope to find.

But beware. Every night, one window of the house glowed a curious, inviting red.

The Open Web

Internet

The new, relaunched blog of a “web developer and designer”, somewhere near the start of 2020:

“The open web is a husk of its former self, conceded to the corporate ventures whose aim is to collect as much data as possible and leverage it in the most profitable manner possible. I want to reclaim my portion of it that dream of an open web of sharing ideas, culture, and imagination.”

Spoiler: they didn’t.

“I’m not happy with the result, but I will never be. Designing for oneself is an artistic act, and dissatisfaction for me in that sense is foundational. But again, that’s not the goal. The goal is to take back my part of the web.”

Spoiler: they didn’t.

“And with that, I will pledge to improve this site steadily and to contribute to the content regularly. To not let it die.”

Spoiler: they did.

*   *   *

I think caring about the open web is a good thing. I think sharing ideas, culture, and imagination is to be commended.

But you don’t do that by redesigning your blog, posting a manifesto, and then leaving it to rot. The design and manifesto are the least important thing. If you want to take back your part of the web, then you need to share your ideas and thoughts for real, on an ongoing basis.

It doesn’t have to be every day. Or even every week. And it certainly doesn’t have to be in blog posts stretching to thousands of words. There are so many different ways of doing it. It doesn’t matter.

But however we do it: if we truly want to take back control from those “corporate ventures”, then we need to actually say something. Not get trapped in that old redesign-languish-redesign cycle.

You want people to step outside Facebook? Have something which makes it worthwhile for people to step outside Facebook. Walled gardens are only worth leaving if there’s something nice on the other side of the wall. And your latest site redesign just isn’t going to be enough.

Contributing to the open web doesn’t need much. It doesn’t need 1337 design skillz. It doesn’t need hours of your time a day. And it most certainly doesn’t need any kind of manifesto.

It just needs you to start writing, and see what happens.

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A Brief Investigation into Recording Dates for Are You Being Served?

TV Comedy

At the end of last year, we talked a little about how some sitcoms were shot far closer to transmission than I ever expected. But sometimes, such stories just seem a little too unbelievable. Take Are You Being Served? – or, specifically, Wikipedia’s episode guide for the show. If you scan your eyes down that list until you reach Series 5, you will come across something rather odd.

Apparently, every single episode of Series 5 was recorded the day before it aired. For example, “Mrs Slocombe Expects”, shown on the 25th February 1977, was recorded on the 24th February 1977. This continues right up until the last episode of Series 5, “It Pays to Advertise”; this was shown on the 8th April 1977, and was apparently recorded on the 7th April 1977.

Something smells fishy. Being recorded close to transmission is one thing. The entire series being shot the day before TX is quite another. So let’s take a sneaky look at the paperwork for that first episode of the series, “Mrs Slocombe Expects”.

Paperwork for episode Mrs Slocombe Expects - all relevant information transcribed in main body text

Through that haze of atrocious reproduction, we can just about read the recording date for the episode: 18th February 1977. Actually very close to transmission – exactly a week before, in fact – but certainly not the previous day.

And the same holds true for the rest of the series. “The Old Order Changes” was recorded on the 11th March for transmission on the 18th March, “Goodbye Mr. Grainger” was recorded on the 25th March for transmission on the 1st April, and “It Pays to Advertise” was recorded on the 1st April for transmission on the 8th April. And while I’m missing information on two of the episodes, it’s not too difficult to work out from all this that “A Change is as Good as a Rest” was almost certainly recorded on the 25th February for transmission on the 4th March, and “Founder’s Day” was recorded on the 4th March for transmission on the 11th March.

As to how somebody updated Wikipedia with this particular piece of incorrect information, who knows. It could perhaps be a simple confusion between “a day” and “a week”. But despite it triggering my Spidey-sense, this kind of misinformation is all too easily believable to some, because it’s so damn specific. There’s no actual need to quote the recording dates in the first place; if somebody has bothered to do so, it’s extremely easy to just assume that they are the real deal. Indeed, this “fact” about some episodes of the show being recorded the day before TX has been quoted to me at least twice before.

It ain’t true. And to be fair, given past experience, Wikipedia will probably be corrected by somebody within an hour of me posting this.1


  1. I’ve been asked before why I don’t fix things on Wikipedia myself. Without going into too many details, I struggle a little with Wikipedia’s guidelines on various things. Not to the point where I want to do some massive rant about them… but I’m not going to get involved myself. Sorry, Wikipedians, but my work is best done here. 

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81 Take 2

TV Comedy

For 2022, I saw the New Year in right. Yes, I watched some comedy from exactly 40 years ago. Why, what did you think I was up to?

So thanks to Ian Greaves, here is 81 Take 2, a sketch show produced by Sean Hardie which was originally broadcast on BBC1 on 31st December 1981 at 11:20pm. Described by the Radio Times at the time as “guaranteed unrepeatable”, that is in fact exactly what it was.

I’m not about to do a lengthy, in-depth review of the programme. It fully deserves one, of course, but not today. Suffice to say that the Not the Nine O’Clock News and A Kick Up the Eighties DNA is supremely apparent. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t, and it’s worth watching for the The Hee Bee Gee Bees segment alone.1

I do, however, want to draw your attention to the final segment at 27:43, after the fake end, where we join “Caesars Palace in Las Vegas”… and a certain Dicky Dynasty. Where Rik Mayall gives a quite astonishing performance. It’s by far the best part of the whole programme.

And anyone who knows anything about The Young Ones will recognise the character instantly. Nearly a year later in “Bomb”, broadcast on 30th November 1982, we get…

As has been pointed out by Mike Scott, amongst others: the whole programme, and the Dicky section in particular, really is a bit of a missing link when it comes to early 80s comedy. A programme which should have been clipped up and talked about endlessly, but really hasn’t.

It reminds me that there’s always something new to discover. No matter how much The Young Ones has been talked about over the years, the above has remained genuinely obscure for four decades now. Instead of going over the same old anecdotes, we should be digging up things like this.

*   *   *

In the spirit of the above then, here’s a brand new piece of information about 81 Take 2 which is relevant to this site’s interests. Because despite their absence in the credit roller, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor contributed a sketch to this programme. It isn’t their first broadcast TV material; for a start, they had contributed to Series 1 of A Kick Up the Eighties a few months previously. But it certainly counts as some of their very earliest.

Tracing exactly which material they wrote is slightly tricky. The paperwork for the programme doesn’t give the names of each sketch, but just lists the duration and its writer roughly in order. Moreover, some of the durations don’t 100% match… because of course they bloody don’t.

I think we can have a stab, though. Here’s the last few credits listed in the paperwork:

Andy Hamilton: Sketch: Dur 2.35
Simon Holder/Dudley Rogers: Oneliner: 12″
Colin Gilbert: Oneliner: Dur 23″
Donnie Kerr: Oneliner: Dur 12″
Donnie Kerr: Oneliner: Dur 15″
Peggy Evens: Oneliner: Dur 8″
Niall Clark: Quickie: Dur 25″
Philip Differ: Oneliner: Dur: 10″
Rob Grant/Doug Naylor: Sketch: Dur: 39″
Mike Radford: Oneliner: Dur: 10″
Ian Pattison: Quickie: Dur: 15″

The big Hamilton sketch at the top of that list is at 21:38 into the YouTube video, and is the Godfather parody. Skipping a few, I think the 25″ Clark quickie is at 25:43, and the lethal package sent to Mrs. Thatcher. We then have the 10″ one liner written by Differ… meaning that the Grant Naylor sketch is almost certainly the cricket scores sketch at 26:22. It lasts 34″ and not 39″, but I put that down to the usual inaccuracies you get with this kind of thing. Moreover, the sketch feels very Grant Naylor to me.

Happy 2022 everyone.


  1. It is tempting to complain that BBC One should be showing new comedy on New Year’s Eve now, and that a best of Have I Got News For You doesn’t quite cut it. Then I just thought I’d check what BBC One Scotland were up to, and noticed that they not only had a brand new episode of Scot Squad, and also had a brand new sketch show Queen of the New Year

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Worthy.

Internet

Sometimes, seeing how somebody else approaches writing clarifies how you approach your own. Or, rather, how not to approach it.

Take the following piece of advice, given to one blog writer who very much took it to heart.1

“Knowing when to stop is not exactly the same as knowing what to start. Determining what’s worthy is harder than simply finding something interesting.”

Different advice helps different people, and that’s fine. But speaking personally: I can’t think of anything more dreadful than having to decide what is worthy for me to write about. If something is interesting, that’s more than enough. Why put barriers in your way before you even start?

The person who was given this advice even struggles with it to some extent:

“Years later, as I emerge from what does indeed feel like an extended dormancy, I’m still seeking clarity on what’s worthy. But what I do know: time to start, it is. These handful of words mark an official commitment to an unofficial restart of writing.”

And I feel bad for them. Because to me, thinking about what’s “worthy” when writing on your own personal site is a recipe for treading water, and publishing nothing. And guess what: that’s exactly what happened.

We love to put barriers in the way of writing. Sometimes we want our backend to be perfect first. Sometimes we worry too much about being helpful. And sometimes we question whether what we’re doing is important at all.

It’s all nonsense. If you think something is interesting, it’s worth writing about, judgements about whether it’s “worthy” or not be damned. It might go nowhere. It might go somewhere. Just occasionally, it might really go somewhere. But the absolute worst thing that could happen?

You’ll have put something interesting into the world.


  1. I’m not linking to the source for this, deliberately. But you can easily find it yourself, if you know how to use Google and quote marks. 

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Dirty Feed: Best of 2021

Meta

201520162017201820192020 • 2021 • 202220232024

“Hi there, John. Well, 2021 was pretty damn awful.”
“No it wasn’t.”
“What? Come on, a global pandemi-“
“Yes, yes, yes, but I’ve posted loads of great stuff on Dirty Feed this year.”
“Dirty F… really? You’re going with this?”
“Let’s have a look at all the brilliant things I’ve written over the last 12 months.”
“Let’s not.”
“Tough shit.”

*   *   *

I’m afraid you will have to forgive a rather more indulgent format than usual for my roundup this year. I’ve done so much writing on the site – almost as much as 2019 and 2020 combined – that there’s plenty I really want to relink to. (If you just want the short version, the images link to various interesting things.)

January was meant to be a quiet month for the site, as I intended to take a bit of a break. Instead, I published one of the most popular things I’ve ever written: a look at what exactly is on the telly in an episode of The Young Ones. This pretty much set the tone for the kind of thing I ended up doing all year: investigating obscure mysteries about sitcoms. For instance: we also found out what Vyvyan really wanted to say about Thatcher.

TV prop in The Young Ones
Smith & Jones DVD menu


February saw me looking into the history of an obscure piece of Grant Naylor material, in a post which pretty much defines the phrase “satisfying ending”. This was followed up by an investigation into Grant Naylor radio sitcom Wally Who?, and how obvious facts can easily become lost.1 Finally, I took a proper look at the pilot of Yes Minister, and how an assumption I’d had for years turned out to be complete bollocks.

March was the beginning of a series of articles looking at stock footage in Hi-de-Hi!. This turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it’d be, and these pieces are somewhat annoyingly incomplete. I’ll hopefully get a chance to improve on them next year. There was also this speculation about Drop the Dead Donkey which I have precisely no proof of whatsoever, but I firmly believe to be 100% true.

The Young Ones opening titles
Bernard in Yes, Prime Minister


April saw the big one. My investigation into the authorship of one of Yes, Prime Minister‘s most well-known routines blew up in a quite ridiculous fashion, and got the site noticed well beyond its usual readership. Thank you, Popbitch. Thus it’s all the more irritating that it has to be one of the articles here which I’m least happy with. In its originally published form, it entirely missed the actual authorship of the joke, despite the fact that the real information was actually public knowledge, if you hung around on the right corner of the internet. The true story only came with the updates after publication. Oh well, what would life be, if it wasn’t utterly infuriating?

On a smaller note, but for me personally more satisfying than either the Hi-de-Hi! or Yes, Prime Minister stuff, was this piece identifying a mysterious piece of Red Dwarf footage. Some people find a mystery exciting; I think finding the actual truth is even more so.

May was my 40th birthday, so I couldn’t resist writing something rather more personal than usual. We also spent another day with The Young Ones in the studio, which is an object lesson in the dangers of hiding the most interesting thing in an article near the end. But my favourite thing this month was proving everybody wrong about when Series 1 of The Brittas Empire was shown. I love writing about The Brittas Empire. I love proving everybody wrong more.

BBC1 evening menu, 1991
Alf Stokes as a cowboy in You Rang M'Lord


June had two of my very favourite pieces I published all year. Firstly, there was this look at reshoots and pick-up weeks in early Red Dwarf, which puts a brand new spin on one of the most famous sequences in the whole show. Then, I investigated this extended version of the You Rang, M’Lord? pilot, which – to my knowledge – hasn’t been transmitted since 1988. Both these pieces are pretty much a mission statement for what I want the site to be.

July saw Dirty Feed’s first dive into A Bit of Fry & Laurie, with another exciting TX date discrepancy. There was also a look at a particularly noteworthy topical reference in The Young Ones. But my favourite piece – possibly my favourite thing I wrote all year, in fact – was a look into how the studios at BBC Manchester can be seen in early Red Dwarf. That piece is everything I’d like my writing to be, and don’t always manage to get there.

Staircase at BBC Manchester used in Red Dwarf
Stephen Fry & Hugh Laurie


August had a look at deleted scenes in A Bit of Fry & Laurie, before we came to the main event: an examination of the recording dates for every single sketch in Series 1. That’s one of those articles which takes an absolute bloody age to write, and is so niche even by the standards of this site that not many people end up reading it. Oh well. It’s worth it just for the incredibly interesting revelation about which sketch in Series 1 was actually shot for the 1987 pilot.

September saw an article I’d been planning to write for literally years finally see the light of day: about a literally unbelievable claim about the viewing figures of Danger Mouse. No, I have nothing better to do than prove people’s childhood heroes INCORRECT. There was also the start of an obsession with One Foot in the Grave production minutiae, which ended up being some of the most popular things I wrote all year.

Danger Mouse and Penfold
Dicky & Dino in The Young Ones


October turned out to be a ludicrously busy month. Firstly, we had Men Behaving Badly and the cut Diana joke. Then, there was possibly the most ridiculous thing about Red Dwarf ever written… well, at least, until next month. There was also the start of an analysis between the broadcast and DVD versions of The Thin Blue Line, which is mainly notable for me finally figuring out how how to edit video. (Which might come in useful next year.)

But my favourite thing all month was this poke at a oft-repeated anecdote about The Young Ones. This was something else I’d been meaning to write for ages, and finally got round to. This is one of those rare pieces where I think I might have actually scraped together some kind of real truth about a show that nobody has quite articulated before. Or maybe it’s just an excuse for a clip of a singing tomato.

November was a particularly stupid month, where I got confused and thought this site was Ganymede & Titan. Out of the four Red Dwarf pieces published this month, I finally managed to write two that I’d been banging on about on Twitter for ages: how more of the sets from Series 1 managed to last rather longer than you might think.

Rimmer from Red Dwarf
Victor Meldrew in You've Been Framed trail


December saw me determined to stop the site becoming a Red Dwarf fansite… by, erm, becoming a One Foot in the Grave fansite instead. First of all we looked at how the show faked a section of ITV output, and then I investigated all of David Renwick’s cameos in the show. Finally, the site reached a violent, bloody climax at the end of the year. Lovely.

*   *   *

Phew. So for a year where I intended to take a bit of a break and do other things, I ended up not only publishing more on the site than ever before, but also having a significantly bigger audience than any previous year too. In fact, the site had double the number of visitors than 2020, a fact I still find faintly extraordinary.

Double the visitors requires the double the gratitude. So thank you all so much for your likes, retweets, comments, or just quietly reading the site this year. I really do appreciate it so much. The comments section on the site has been particularly active and insightful, and has corrected and improved much of what I’ve written throughout the last 12 months.

As for this site in 2022… I’m in something of a bind. Every single time I say I’m going to do something specific on this site, I do nothing. And every time I say I’m going to do nothing and take a break, I end up writing shitloads. It is beginning to get faintly ridiculous.2 My brain absolutely refuses to follow any kind of plan for this site whatsoever. In fact, it actively rebels against it.

So in 2022, I can only give you one promise: that something might or might not happen on this site at some point during the year. So you can look forward or not look forward to that at your leisure.

And you can’t say fairer than that, can you?


  1. And still not found, incidentally. If anybody has any ideas… 

  2. Still waiting for the Buffy fansites article I promised at the start of 2016? Me too. 

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