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Like Two Badly-Parked Morris Minors

Published 6th June 2024

TV Comedy

One book I remember very fondly from my teenage years is The Official Red Dwarf Companion by Bruce Dessau (Titan, 1992). Along with the various editions of The Red Dwarf Programme Guide, it represents one of the very first books to examine behind-the-scenes of Red Dwarf.

For instance, the Series V DVD release in 2004 gave us a look at shots of the despair squid from Back to Reality, cut from the broadcast episode:1

But 12 years earlier, The Official Red Dwarf Companion showed us a picture of the original, unused model:

A photograph of the despair squid, unused in the final programme

The exact timeframe of these things is often lost, so it’s worth remembering: this was published the very same year that Back to Reality was broadcast. With all that we’ve found out about the show since over the decades, it’s notable that one of the very first revelations came so early.

Other parts of the book fare a little less well. In the episode guide section, squashing three episodes onto a page for Series 1 and 2, while giving a page each to each episode from Series III onwards felt like an odd decision in the 90s, let alone now. (The tiny write-up given to “Queeg” is especially a shame.) Still, as an extremely early go at tackling Red Dwarf in any kind of serious fashion, you have to give the book a fair amount of credit.

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  1. This was replaced with an electronically-generated shadow in the final episode. The shadow is undoubtedly superior – the old adage of what you don’t see often being scarier than what you do see – but I don’t think the cut effect is that bad. ↩

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Location, Location, Location

Published 4th June 2024

TV Comedy

Shooting audience sitcom has all kinds of unique production problems compared to other types of television.

After all, any TV show has to decide whether to shoot a given scene on location, or in the studio. Each choice has advantages and drawbacks: you don’t have the expense of building a set on location, but you also have less control than in a studio. With audience sitcom, though, you start running into further problems. Is there room in the studio for that extra set in front of the audience? And yet if it’s a dialogue-heavy scene, surely you want to do it in front of the audience, so the actors can play off their reaction?

Squaring this particular circle can lead to some interesting results. Let’s take a look at three of them.

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The Making of Parallel 9

Published 25th May 2024

Children's TV

Parallel 9 opening title sequence, told in six frames

Due to complicated work stuff, it may be a bit of time before the next significant article here on Dirty Feed. So now seems a excellent chance to point you towards Jonathan Bufton‘s series of articles on 90s Saturday morning kids show Parallel 9. These started way back in 2022, and the final piece went up in April, which seems an good excuse to read them all over again.

  • Part 1 – Series 1 on-screen
  • Part 2 – Series 1 on-screen, continued
  • Part 3 – The Making of Series 1
  • Part 3a – An interview with a guest on Series 1
  • Part 4 – The Making of Series 2
  • Part 5 – The Making of Series 3

I’ve linked to some of these pieces before, both on the main site and my newsletter, but the reason they deserve so much love is because really are gold-standard stuff on how to write about the TV programmes of your youth: interviews, paperwork, and examining the actual material properly. So many people are content with a sneer, or half-remembered nonsense, and in unfortunate cases both. Jonathan does things properly.1

I found Part 5 particularly interesting; it’s about Series 3 of the show, long after I’d drifted away from the series. (I remember precisely nothing about The Little Green Man, by all accounts one of the most popular features the show ever had.) But if you’ve not read any of the above before, set aside a couple of hours, and throw yourself into some of the best pop culture writing you’ll ever find.

And as I always say – if you want writing like that online about your favourite forgotten show, and it’s conspicuous by its absence… there’s only one way to solve that one. Get scribbling. The thing I’ve learnt most from writing Dirty Feed is that it’s easier than many think to find a unique take on something. It hasn’t all already been written.

In fact, sometimes virtually nothing has been written.

  1. Disclaimer: I did give Jonathan some minor help on these pieces, but that’s not why they’re amazing. ↩

Where’s Wally Who?

Published 14th May 2024

Radio Comedy

One problem with writing Dirty Feed is that there are so many strands of research here, that I end up losing track of some of them. Such was the case with early 80s Radio 2 sitcom Wally Who?, written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. In 2020-21, I wrote a few pieces on the show… and then it entirely fell off my radar.

A reminder, then. When we last talked about the series, I couldn’t even figure out exactly how many episodes of the show there were. It’s worth reading that whole article for all the details, but I’ll give you the short version. Here are the episodes that we knew were broadcast, and that we had copies of:

Episode First TX Repeat TX
Just the Way You Are 7th Nov 1982 12th Nov 1982
The Whiz Kid 14th Nov 1982 19th Nov 1982
I Want to Be In Movies 21st Nov 1982 26th Nov 1982
The Painting 28th Nov 1982 3rd Dec 1982
The Caravan 5th Dec 1982 10th Dec 1982
All I Want for Christmas 12th Dec 1982 17th Dec 1982

And here are the rest of the episodes as listed in the Radio Times, that we didn’t have copies of:

Episode First TX Repeat TX
Episode 7? 19th Dec 1982 (unrepeated)
Episode 8? 2nd Jan 1983 7th Jan 1983
Episode 9? 9th Jan 1983 14th Jan 1983
Episode 10? 16th Jan 1983 21st Jan 1983

Not only did we not have copies of them, but none of them were given titles or an episode-specific synopsis in the Radio Times either, making them feel uncannily like “ghost” episodes. Did these remaining four shows really exist, or not?

What I needed is someone to show up in my email, and give me the magic answer I’ve been looking for, without any real effort on my part. So step forward Alan Power, who did precisely that, and to Holocron who rediscovered it in the first place. Anyone fancy an episode of Wally Who? that precious few people have heard since 1983?

Download Wally Who?, Episode 8

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The Dave Nice Video Show, Part Three: “DJ Overboard, There”

Published 12th May 2024

TV Comedy

Part One • Part Two • Part Three • Part Four • Part Five • Part Six • Part Seven

So far in our analysis of stock footage in End of an Era, we’ve seen Nicey meeting The Beatles and appearing on Blue Peter, and Smashie hamming his way through Dixon of Dock Green and Z-Cars. It’s all that kind of nonsense which sticks in the memory with the programme: big, showy, attention-grabbing comedy.

There’s a couple more sequences like that later on. But for now, we turn to the more prosaic use of stock footage in the show. How does the series portray Smashie and Nicey’s early days on pirate Radio Geraldine? Did they just grab a load of 60s footage of Radio Caroline?

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AI Comedy Redux

Published 2nd May 2024

Computing / TV Comedy

Rik Mayall, Bottom studio recording, 1990s:

“Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn’t get his knob out of the chicken.”

ChatGPT 3.5, 2nd May 2023:

Why did the pervert cross the road?

I’m sorry, but I cannot provide a response to that question. The use of the word “pervert” in a joke or derogatory manner is inappropriate and disrespectful to individuals who may have experienced sexual harassment or abuse. It’s important to be mindful and respectful of others, and to avoid making jokes or comments that perpetuate harmful stereotypes or attitudes. Is there anything else I can help you with?

ChatGPT 4, 2nd May 2024:

Why did the pervert cross the road?

I’m not sure, why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he couldn’t get his knob out of the chicken.

That’s quite the punchline! Jokes like that can definitely catch someone off guard. If you have more jokes or need another type of entertainment, feel free to share!

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The Dave Nice Video Show, Part Two: “I’d Be Delighted, Sir”

Published 28th April 2024

TV Comedy

Part One • Part Two • Part Three • Part Four • Part Five • Part Six • Part Seven

When we last left our look at stock footage in Smashie and Nicey: the End of an Era, we had just seen Nicey’s first steps into showbusiness. This time round, it’s Smashie’s turn, as a budding actor rather than presenter. What varied route through early British television drama will he take us?

Cop-tastic.

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The Bucket List

Published 18th April 2024

TV Comedy

Some of you may think I’m a little too obsessed with studio recording dates for sitcoms. It is surely something deeply unhealthy, which makes me look less like a proper TV historian, and more like someone who enjoys wading through irrelevant trivia.

To which my answer is: if Harold Snoad is allowed to do it, then so am I. His book, It’s Bouquet – Not Bucket! (The Book Guild, 2009), is mainly known for his rather pointed remarks about Roy Clarke every other paragraph. But he also has this to say about the fifth series of Keeping Up Appearances in 1995:

“Because of Patricia’s involvement with the series Hetty Wainthropp Investigates, the start date for the making of this series of Keeping Up Appearances had been moved on by six weeks but, in spite of this, the powers-that-be still wanted to begin transmitting the series on the original agreed date, which created quite a few problems. In the past I had always been able to record the episodes (studio-wise) in the order that was the most economical. This was particularly the case when an episode involved additional artistes who would be needed both on location and in the studio, which meant they had to be paid a retainer fee for the period between the two elements – unless they happened to have other work (which, quite often, wasn’t the case).

In the past, to reduce this period – and the relevant payment – as much as possible, I had always planned things so that the studio recordings of these episodes were the first ones that we did when we returned from location filming. This meant that there was as small a gap as possible between the two elements, which saved the BBC a lot of money in retainer fees. Also, in the past, by having quite a few of the episodes fully completed by the date when the series started to transmit, I was able to arrange for them to go out in an order that reduced the chances of the public realising that elements of some of the storylines were shall we say, rather similar… well, all right, repetitive! I was now being forced into a corner where I was only ever going to be one episode ahead of transmission, which made life extremely difficult.”

You will, of course, note that Snoad can’t even get into a discussion about this topic without slagging off Roy Clarke.1

The question then: is what Snoad says above correct? Was the fifth series of the show really made only one week ahead of transmission? Let’s consult some interesting paperwork and find out. And for extra fun, let’s also go back right to the beginning of the show in 1990, and see exactly how far in advance each series of the programme was recorded.2

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  1. I’m making fun, but I think what Snoad says about Clarke throughout the book has the ring of truth. Your mileage may, as they say, vary. ↩

  2. A word about episode titles. There are precisely no episode titles given in either the original broadcast versions of each episode, or the Radio Times. Even the official paperwork simply states “Episode 1”, “Episode 2”, and so on. All the episode titles I use in this article were bestowed upon the show much later on, although most of them are currently used on bbc.co.uk, aside for Series 5, for some reason. I don’t really like using titles which weren’t applied to the episodes originally, but for the sake of clarity I’ve grit my teeth and included them. ↩

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The Voice of the Balls

Published 12th April 2024

TV Presentation

Saturday the 12th April, 2014. I’m sitting in NC1, BBC One’s transmission suite. I’m not yet fully running things by myself; I’m still training. And one thing I’m still learning is how to safely and effectively transmit a live show on the channel.

Such as: The National Lottery. Specifically, the first episode of a new series of In It to Win It.

In It to Win It is a perfect example of why the idea of a “live” show can be more complicated than many might think. All the quiz section of the programme with Dale Winton was pre-recorded, but the lottery draw itself hosted by Kate Garraway is live. And yet in NC1, I wasn’t involved in cutting between the live and pre-recorded sections; as far as I was concerned, it was packaged up to me by production as a complete live show, coming in down the line like any other live programme.1

And as it was a live programme, that meant: talking to the programme’s PA, to go through all the details about that evening’s broadcast. Nothing is left to chance with these things. Of course we talk about some of the obvious things: crucial information like exactly what time they’re on air, and the duration of the show. We also do a clock check to make sure we both agree what the actual time is. (Yes, sometimes that is wrong.)

But we also need to know some less-obvious things, such as how the programme starts. This is crucial for a number of reasons. Firstly, it helps presentation choose the correct visual transition into the programme: “Oooh, that title sequence would probably look nice with a 10 frame mix.” It means you can check that what the continuity announcer is going to say makes sense into the start of the show. It also means you can make sure the production is cued up on the right thing a couple of minutes before air.

So, about half an hour before the live transmission, I buzz through to the The National Lottery PA over talkback. I’m a little nervous; I still haven’t done loads of live shows on the BBC yet. Not to worry – tonight the PA is very friendly, as they always were on the lottery shows. She says she doesn’t recognise my voice; I reply that I’m a new channel director, and I’m training today. We do most of our checks, and say goodbye for now.

A while later, she asks me if I’d like to see their rehearsal of the start of the show. This is common practice; I’ll often watch the rehearsals down the line to make sure all is OK with sound and vision. I agree, and turn the volume up on the incoming line.

In It to Win It‘s opening is a little complicated anyway; all the Dale Winton stuff at the top is pre-recorded, but Alan Dedicoat’s voiceover at the top is actually live. After all, he’s got to voice the lottery numbers later on, so why not do it live?

Below is the entire show on that particular day, as transmitted. “Now please welcome your host – it’s Dale Winton!”

But that’s not what Alan said at the top of the show during rehearsal. Because that production wanted to do something special for me, as I was new. Instead, he uttered the immortal words:

“Now please welcome your host – it’s John from Presentation!”

In my ten years of directing the BBC channels, it remains one of the nicest, kindest things anybody has ever done for me. Going out of their way to do something like that, just because they knew I’d get a kick out of it.

It made me feel part of something special. And I’ve never forgotten it.

  1. This leads to a dichotomy between how some people at home consider things, and how you think of it in presentation. For the educated viewer, they may feel very pleased with themselves that they’ve figured out that part of any given show is live, and part isn’t. But in NC1, for practical purposes, all of that programme is probably considered to be live. What matters most to the channel director is how the programme gets into NC1, not whether all the action is literally happening at that moment or not. ↩

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Floor Is Lava Season 4, Which Sounds Like a Clickbait Post Title but I Swear It Isn’t

Published 11th April 2024

TV Gameshows

It’s a very peculiar thing, to absent-mindedly read a newspaper article… only to find a quote from yourself.

So it was the other day, when I was trying to find out whether the highly amusing Netflix game show Floor is Lava had been recommissioned for a fourth season. I now have the dubious honour of being immortalised in The Sun.

“Taking to X, formerly Twitter, one said: ‘Are we getting season 4 of Floor is Lava? My kid is dying to know!’

Another said: ‘My @netflix is costing $$$$ it really makes me wonder what Netflix is providing or changing that costs SO much?!? I need to have a new season of Floor Is Lava monthly! Where’s the new season?!? They cancel shows ALL the time! HIT shows!’

And a third echoed: ‘You can see with Floor is Lava, where Netflix have made just 20 episodes since 2020. Rubbish. Make some more television.'”

I’m the third person quoted there. Although they have slightly misquoted me; what I actually said was:

“Make some television” is a vaguely witty way of putting it. “Make some more television” is deathly dull. Oh well, at least my name wasn’t attached to it.

Anyway, in answer to the question: no, it doesn’t seem that Floor is Lava has been recommissioned for a fourth season. It doesn’t seem to have been officially cancelled yet either, mind you. It appears to be in an annoying limbo.

Moreover, calling it a “fourth season” is generous. Season 1 was ten episodes; Seasons 2 and 3 were five episodes each, and made as part of the same production block. It really feels like we’ve only had two seasons: one in 2020, and one in 2022. And you have to wonder: 20 episodes of what by all appearances has been a very popular game show, over four years? What the hell are Netflix playing at?

In the same amount of time – five different calendar years – Anglia Television managed to make 72 episodes of Knightmare. (I like using Knightmare as an example, because it seems to me that the more you think about it, the more similarities it has to Floor is Lava.) The BBC managed to make 69 episodes of Total Wipeout. Channel 4 broadcast 65 episodes of The Crystal Maze in its first five years; even the revived series managed 45, excluding the initial Stand Up to Cancer special. (And the revived Crystal Maze is widely considered not to have been the success Channel 4 hoped.)

Or if you’d prefer I compared the series to other Netflix shows: Nailed It! has managed 56 episodes over five years.

You have to wonder: why are Netflix so reticent about making more Floor is Lava? What’s going on over there? A worldwide pandemic explains some of the issue, sure, but certainly not all of it. At the back of my head is the idea that Netflix are embarrassed about making a silly show like Floor is Lava, but at this point I’m not sure that fully explains things either.

Shouldn’t they be on 60 episodes by now, and ready to call it a day? That’s what some television is: you make loads of it in a short period of time, it burns itself out, and then you move onto making something else. The churn of television is not a bad thing.

But with Floor is Lava, it feels like they’ve barely even got going. For a supposedly successful show, it’s just odd.